My life of crime Aug 13 2008 IT’S come to this... I – a former school prefect and the only person who didn’t break into a run during the walking race at the school’s 1971 sports day – am only days away from appearing before the beak charged with driving without due care and attention, also known as careless driving. more

Risking it all at the races Aug 6 2008 A DAY at the races for Team Lockley: an intoxicating gathering of high-rollers, glamorous women and common folk, like us, united in one quest – to make a financial killing. more

Cheeky cheeky safety checks Jul 30 2008 HOW embarrassing are those metal detector scans they’ve got at airports and sundry public buildings? more

Home, sweet home Jul 23 2008 MY wife - bolstered by TV programmes where folk transform their hovels into palaces, then flog them for a small fortune - wants to give Chateau Lockley a makeover. more

My allotment victory Jul 16 2008 “I’VE gone green,” I told Colin proudly over a frothing pint of best bitter in the Drum and Monkey’s smoke-free snug. more

The best handful of carbon around Jul 9 2008 I’M going to have to crank up my entry on Friends Reunited after discovering old buddy Maddocks is one of the world’s leading experts on maritime law. more

Don't mention it Jul 2 2008 “IF you don’t mind me saying it,” gushed an acquaintance I bumped into for the first time in nearly five years, “you’ve gone very grey on top.” more

Our chav cat is on the prowl Jun 26 2008 EVERY evening this week, Julie has stared through the french windows, emitted a blood-curdling scream and raced to the rescue of a mouse being mutilated by our chav cat Keogh. more

Why we need the female touch Jun 18 2008 OH joyous day: the wife, after a fortnight tending a sick relative, has returned. more

Counting the cost of a teenage son Jun 11 2008 LOOK at this calculator! That, believe it or not, is how much our teenage son costs a month. more

A quiet time horsing around Jun 4 2008 YESTERDAY was a time spent away from the office. more

There's no secrets with recycling May 28 2008 RECYCLING has even reached our sleepy backwater. more

What's up doc? May 22 2008 EACH year I undergo a medical MoT which highlights the bits of me wearing out the quickest. more

I'm just not interested May 15 2008 THE most boring man in our village came round to show me his new chrome shovel. more

Fashion - but at what price? May 8 2008 I know what caused that tear in the ozone layer: 1980s soft-rock, all-girl group Heart. more

I'm really not a techno-phobe May 1 2008 THE man who came to fix my computer spoke in a language I do not understand. more

Animals can attack Apr 17 2008 IS there anything so glorious as being in the heart of the countryside during spring, a time when all around us Mother Nature awakens from her slumber? more

Skeletons in the family cupboard Apr 10 2008 A RELATIVE has spent five years trawling archives and thumbing through dust-covered volumes at libraries in a bid to piece together the Lockley family tree. more

Taken back in time Apr 3 2008 A HYPNOTIST took me back to a former life last week. He gave me a lift and we drove past my old council house. more

The art of being a good nag Mar 27 2008 FOR a number of years now my teenage son has endured a nagging, incessant noise in his ears. more

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